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Larissa's "when she feels like writing stuff" page

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

I'm sad and I'm mad... for the last 1.5mths or so, I haven't been performing my best. At work, at school, at softball, at soccer, I've been underperforming. I'm VERY upset at this. Larissa is a strong person, she WILL get through this! I just didn't realize it would be so hard nor did I realize it IS impacting me so much. Why does someone do this to another person they supposedly love? Make them feel so hurt, so confused, so sick, so underachieving. This is not me! I am very upset that I've underperformed in the last 1.5 mths.

We lost our softball game today and I had the worst game ever. Really, in like 18 years :(. I missed 1 catches, one foul that I ran for. One ball went over my head and 2 balls were short- in front of me. I was 1 for 3. This is not Larissa.

Soccer? I haven't been communicating as much and I haven't been focusing as much. I seem to not be looking around and really figuring out the plays, just doing them. It feels as though I'm out of my element.

School? I'm slacking off on my normal team leading. I send out the agenda a day later than I normally do. I forget things I'm suppose to do and I procrastinate.

Work? I have forgotten to do SO many things! I feel overwhelmed, but I really dont' think it is my work load. Now sure, if I had less of a work load, I would probably be able to handle it, but my typical load? I'm slacking.

I don't like this. I don't like this at all! These are all things that I should be putting more attention on focus on now that I have more time. I never thought I would ever be like this. It just isn't right for another person to have this kind of affect on someone. Especially if that person is strong! I really need to figure out why this all happened...and change the way I'm feeling and how I'm living my life.

Why do people have to suck? Why do people have to DESTROY other people's lives? Why do people have to be WEAK and screw other people because THEY can't face their OWN insecurities and troubles? Why did I have to put so much trust in someone to let this hit me so hard? I really hope this doesn't taint how I move on to another relationship; that just wouldn't be right.

posted by Larissa  # 11:33 PM
Comments:
good thing you have a supportive boss for the work part... :P
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:54 PM
 
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